Soul Yearnings

Change is coming. Change is here.  I LOVE change. I am also learning that I have been hiding within change and transition for most of my life.  For me, staying is the change.  

Sitting STILL and being present in the moment, like REALLY, really PRESENT, not thinking about the clock or the next thing I "have/get to do" is a rare and almost foreign concept to me.
I have been RUNNING from what I don't want in life instead of living life. I have steadily and constantly let others/ my fears dictate how I pour my soul out. I have stayed with feelings of discomfort & struggle that only served others, literally just conforming to whatever life situation would receive me next. I forgot who I was created to be. I forgot that while life is meant to be fluid, water is POWERFUL when infused with energy. Power has been building through 2019.

This past year I've begun looking at my life, my choices, my heart space and my family. I built practice space in my home. I went back to school to complete an actual accredited degree. I discovered I have had a variety of eating disorders through my life. (It is amazing how we can NOT see something in our lives, even if others tell us or even show us reality.) I have recognized how significantly I struggle with parenthood, which will be it's own thread because it's just not something that is talked about.  I was asked to reflect on if I've achieved my career goals and recognized that at no point in my formative years did I ever believe I could amount to anything significant and life would just happen to me, which is exactly how lived.

2020 is the year to Root & Rise Up; to honor the past for the flexibility it has taught me and the ability to connect with people from all walks of life in all situations.  However, it's time to honor myself and listen to the connected heart-song.

I am sad that my internal work has inhibited my completing of my Yoga Teacher Training this year.

I feel trepidation at finishing my bachelor's degree as I STILL struggle to wrap my mind around being worthy to finish. (I am DAILY fighting my self-sabotage to get my work done.)

I honor and recognize that I held two life visions of myself, one as a successful advocating lawyer and another as deeply engaged Homemaker. I believed myself unworthy of both paths.

I recognize that I had children because I was afraid of growing old and not having anyone to love and support me through my transition to spirit in my later years. I also recognize these humans are my world.


I realized that what I want to be when I grow up is Happy, Healthy, Engaged, & Grateful. I realized that I want a smaller/ extremely affordable house because I want the freedom to join a wellness community, explore and travel with my children,  to afford music lessons, to take service vacations, to be so so healthy and fit that I am able and willing to fully satisfy myself and my partner. I want to be a Homeschooling Housewife who POURS her soul into worship, the care & keeping of her family, while continuously learning, empowering women, and preparing for a professional career in 10 years.  I want the freedom to GO when invited to do anything with my family or for the Lord.

THIS is the life I yearn for and am seeking to build. Are you feeling similar pulls to step into your authentic life, comment and tell me what pulls you are feeling. I would most SINCERELY love to know.